Reading His Thoughts
by dangerous0curves
Summary: Bella buys an old Victorian house on Seattle and finds a journal written by a one Edward Cullen. What happens when she begins to fall for the writer? Will it ruin her current relationship? AU, Canon Pairings - eventually, both Edward and Bella are OOC..
1. Old Houses are the Best

_**Full Summary - Bella buys an old Victorian house in Seattle. In the house's library she comes across a journal that belonged to Edward Cullen. What will happen as she falls for the author of the journal, will it ruin her current relationship? Will she every meet this Edward Cullen, though she thinks not. The Cullens are all still vampires and given enough time, I am seriously thinking of making Jacob a wolf. We shall see. This is AU with canon pairings, eventually. Though, Edward and Bella are both going to end up being totally OOC. Rated T for language mostly because when I get into writing sometimes the words slip out, hehe.**_

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**_"Now, the floors are all very solid. I made sure there were no weak places so you should have no trouble with them. I also had someone come in and look at the foundation and basement for you. There is nothing wrong with them either. So you can start remodeling once you have the place cleaned out. I am sorry that there are rooms full of stuff but the family all died suddenly and really there was no one to clean the house out."

I had actually tuned out realtor as she talked. I was too busy going over in my head what I was planning to do with the house. The outside was perfect, just needed some paint and touch ups to return it to its former glory. I loved old Victorian homes and when this one hit the market I knew it was fate. Now it was mine and that brought a smile to my face.

I turned to the realtor and smiled at her warmly, "Thank you, I think I will go walk through the house and see what really needs work. I will call someone to come move out the furniture and what not when I am ready." I snatched the keys to the house from her and left her standing on the sidewalk in front of the house. I didn't care what she had done for me. I wanted to see what I was getting myself into.

The key slid into the lock smoothly and within seconds I was in the front hall. I smiled and almost giggled with delight as I looked around. The house smelled musty but it was not a bad smell, just one of a house that had not been lived in a while. I turned to my right and headed into the parlor. There were boxes lining the wall farthest from me, like someone had started to pack up things but then left. The dust was so thick on things that you would probably lose a hand in it. I bit my lip and just smiled, this was exactly what I wanted. I turned and headed to the other side of the front hall. To the left of the hall was a library. The walls were lined with bookcases, they even framed the windows. I moved in closer, sneezing when some of the dust tickled my nose. I looked over the spines of the books left and I knew I was going to be pleased with what I found. There were so many classic titles there and I was betting they were first editions. I did squeal a bit as I pulled Withering Heights of the shelf and flipped gently through the pages. I could smell the age coming off the pages and moved with the book toward the large desk in the room. I sat behind it, hearing the leather of the chair there crack and creek as I sat. I blew on the dust that had collected on the desk. It was like snow in the air and I sneezed repeatedly as it settled.

I looked over the library while I sat in the chair; this was probably going to be my favorite room in the whole house. I sighed softly and decided to look through the drawers of the desk. They were mostly filled with old magazines. I did find the occasional newspaper and bank ledger. I continued my search of the desk and as I was closing of the lower drawers I noticed that the wood of the drawer's bottom was not like the rest of the drawer. Was this a secret compartment? A lot of the old families had secrets they wanted kept. I was hoping I was going to find something secret and juicy in there. When I finally got the compartment open I saw a leather journal in there. It was old and the pages were yellow with age. I sneezed again as I blew the dust off it and sighed. This house was going to kill my allergies until I got it cleaned up.

Just as I was about to open the journal my cell phone went off. Who would be calling, everyone knew I was seeing the house today and I did not really want to be disturbed.

"Hello?"

"Bella, dear, where are you?"

I sighed, Jacob knew full well that I was in my new house, "Jacob, you know where I am. I told you I would call you when I got back to the apartment." I heard him sigh on the other end of the phone. I was always irritating him, which made me wonder why he was even dating me. We had both grown up in the Forks area of Washington State, though I had spent the middle part of my childhood with my mother in Arizona but the last years had been with Charlie in Forks. By my senior year I was dating Jacob and now, 5 years later I was still dating him.

"Well, I was hoping you had grown bored already. I have to head to La Push at some point tonight, I told my father I would be back. He needs some help moving a few pieces of furniture and I know he wants to see me, and really you." I frowned, I knew that they wanted to come visit more but I was happy in Seattle and I really did not want to go back. I always ran into people I went to high school with and I always felt bad. I was the only one to go to college and get a job outside of Forks. I was working in the English Department of the University of Washington. I was teaching assistant for the time being since I was working on my doctorate in classic literature. I always felt bad when my career came up in conversations when I was back in that small town.

"Jacob, I need to really get the new house in order, you know that. I also have to help Dr. Von with his Early British Literature tomorrow."

I heard him sigh again on the other end, "Well then, can I come see this new house before I drive to La Push?"

I remained quiet; I didn't want to share the house with anyone yet. I could hear him drumming his fingers on the counter in front of him. He was at my apartment, in my kitchen. Why did I suddenly feel like he was invading my space?

I shook off that feeling, "Jacob, let me enjoy my new place right now. I will bring you here when you get back. You can help me decide what I want do with the rooms." Did he growl softly, is that what I heard? I frowned and almost hung up on him, he had no right to get mad at me. I had not asked him to help me buy the house, and really I had not planned to ask him for any help at all.

"Fine, Bella. I will be back in a few days. I love you."

I sighed softly, almost too soft for him to hear, "Yeah, me too." I hung up, turning the phone off and looked at the journal now sitting n the desk in front of me. I ran my hand over the front cover. The leather was soft and had I not know it I would almost think the leather was new. I knew better though, the pages inside told an entirely different story.

I bit my lip as I opened the journal. The front page told me who the journal had belonged too, Edward Anthony Cullen. The start date on that page said March 13, 1922. I smiled softly as I trailed my fingers over the name there, Edward was such a nice name. I turned the page and there was the first entry.

_March 13, 1932_

_Carlisle got me this journal thinking that I would want to write my own thoughts down. I am not really sure if I want to share my thoughts so openly. The rest of the world shares their thoughts with me but I am not sure I want to return the favor. I am still having trouble keeping all the thoughts out as it is and how can I really tell which are mine and which belong to someone else._

_I think Carlisle and Esme are worried about me, which is nothing new. They really don't need to worry though; I can handle my gift just fine. It just takes concentration and patience. I heard Carlisle telling her that maybe he should start looking for someone for me. I really wish he would stop that. I have not been in this life that long and I am sure when the time is right I will find her. He found his love, I will find mine._

_I will say, this life style is hard to live though. I hate that I had days where I wanted to rebel and go against everything Carlisle has taught me. I can just see it in his mind and I think it would kill Esme if I did do it again. If they only knew what had done, if only they knew. I am not going to get into that here though. _

The entry stopped there and I closed my eyes. I was actually curious as to what Edward had done and who Carlisle and Esme were to him. I looked around the library and wondered when the Cullens had lived in the house. I had bought the house from the Masen Estate, but I wondered if the Masens and the Cullens had been here around the same time. I pondered this as I closed the journal and stood. The sun was starting to go down and I needed to head back to my apartment, classes started early the next day. I took the journal with me and locked up the house. It was mine now and I was going to be moving in soon but for now I needed to head back to a warm shower and a warm bed.

When I got to my apartment it felt so empty. Jacob had left me a small note on the counter in the kitchen, "_Bella, I had planned to take you somewhere special but you decided to not come with me to La Push so you better let me make plans with you when I get back. I love you."_ I frowned and threw the note away. I knew what he had been planning; he was going to ask me to marry him. I was not ready for marriage and I seriously did not think I was ever going to be ready to marry Jacob. I love him, but I didn't think I was in love with him and there is a big difference.

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	2. Keeping the Old

_**OMG guys, thank you so much for all the attention this is getting. I am loving this story so far though I love all the stories I am working on. This one is appealing to me in so many ways and I can't really explain why. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Thank you so much for the reviews so far. I will try and update as I can. I plan to keep the three stories I am working on as current as possible.  
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**_I could hear the rain the windows of my apartment as I hid under the blankets on my bed. It was still early and I had woken up to the sound of the drops hitting the window. The apartment felt so empty as I stayed hidden, I may have been confused about Jacob but I had grown use to his presence in the apartment in the mornings. He would have shown up right around the time I was waking up, getting breakfast ready. He always came to make me breakfast, no matter what I had planned that morning. I think that I was hiding because he wasn't there for once. When the alarm next to my bed finally went off I decided that it was finally time to get out of bed. I was just going through the motions as I got ready for the day. I had gone to bed thinking about Jacob and our relationship and it was still on my mind when I woke up.

The morning went by in a blur. The classes, the students, everything went by without any real thought. I could do my job in my sleep and it felt like I had. By the time lunch had come around I was starving and glad that I was done with Dr Von's classes. I left the campus, intent on going back to my house and getting started on the clean up. I wanted to start moving in by the following weekend. I knew I would need to eat first though and head for a small café near campus that I went to often. The rain had cleared by lunch, though it was still overcast. I decided to sit outside and eat my lunch. The day was pleasant enough as I watched people move past the café. My mind wandered to the house. I was making plan after plan for the house, each room needed some work and I knew it. When I thought about the library my thoughts went quickly to the journal and I decided that I would return to the apartment and pick it up before heading to the house. I was curious about it and what Edward had written in it.

As I stood to leave a man walking by caught my eye. His bronze hair is what grabbed my attention first and as he passed I couldn't help but stare. He reminded me of a beautiful statue. He looked at me briefly and I couldn't help but smile. His topaz eyes were striking and had I been given time I bet I could have gotten lost in them. I looked away quickly, feeling the heat in my face as I blushed. When I looked back he was gone. I sighed and just headed for the apartment. It was just my luck, I see someone gorgeous and I bet he was just something made up in my imagination. I had never seen someone as beautiful as him and I doubted I ever would again.

Once I was in my apartment I stood there, looking at the place. It was nice and for the years I had spent in it, it had become home but I felt drawn to move into the house as soon as possible. I saw the light on the answering machine flashing and pushed play as I gathered up the things I was going to need for the house. 

_"Bella, it is Jacob. Dad told me to tell you hello and that he misses you. You really need to come visit everyone here soon, they all keep saying how great it would be if you were here. I miss you and when I get back you and I have some things to talk about. I love you, Bells." _

That was the only message and I knew that when he got back we would have to talk, I was not going to marry him and I needed to tell him before he got down on one knee. I sighed and grabbed all the packing materials I had, leaving some boxes for the apartment. Before leaving I grabbed the journal off the kitchen counter where I left it. I figured during break from packing things up I could read it. I had to admit to myself that I was excited at the thought of reading someone else's journal.

It wasn't long before I was standing in the front hall of my house. I didn't know where I wanted to start, though I had not looked over the rest of the house. I propped the boxes up in the alcove by the front door and decided that I would head upstairs. The stairs creaked a little as I headed up them and that actually made me smile. I loved old houses and their noises. On the landing upstairs I just stood there, looking around me. Directly to my right was the one bathroom in the house. That was something I was going to have to change.

I figured I would need to put in a half bath down stairs and since there was 5 bedrooms upstairs I also figured I could put in another one upstairs. I moved straight from the top of the stairs into first bedroom I came too. There was no bed in it though, just some chairs, a few bookcases and more dust. Some of the furniture in the house was nice and I was beginning to think I was going to keep some of it. To my left I noticed that the room was connected to another of the bedrooms between the rooms' closets. I made my way into the second bedroom with again had no bed in it. I frowned a bit, where did these people sleep? There were more chairs and a sofa in the room and from the outline on the floor it looked like there had been a piano in the room at some point. I went through each room upstairs and in each room I found different things. They were all beautifully decorated but they all had a general theme and no beds. I was beginning to think that some things had been taken from the house, even if the realtor had said otherwise.

I headed back down stairs and stood in the hall, not knowing where I would start. I sighed softly and decided that I would take a short break before I got too involved with the house. I grabbed the journal, which was mixed in with the packing items I had brought from the apartment, and headed into the library. I sat behind the desk again and opened the journal, flipping to the next page. I smiled and sighed softly as I started reading.

_March 15, 1932_

_Esme has begun an entire remodel of the house here in San Francisco. She is actually great with the houses we have lived in. I am sure that had she not gone the route she did, she could have really found a place in the world remodeling houses for people. She had a real eye for decorating. I guess we all need something to help pass all the free time we have._

_Carlisle had a new piano delivered for me today. The last one did not make it through the last move and he knew I really wanted a new one. It is a beautiful piece of furniture and I am thankful that he understands my need to have one in the house. While Esme has her house renovations to keep her busy I have my music. Now that I have the new piano I think that I will begin work on my next piece. Carlisle says that I have a real talent._

_I was in the park this evening, as twilight was settling in on Seattle. It is one of the saddest times of day for me. It signals the end of another day and really the safest time for us. I watched the couples walking through the park and I wondered what brought them together. I know that Carlisle and Esme are meant to be together. I can hear it in their thoughts, how each lights up when the other comes into the room. I had eternity to find my light._

I stopped reading, looking around the library, it felt like there was someone in the room with me but when I looked around there was no one there. I sighed and closed the journal. I really needed to get busy. The house was not going to pack itself. I decided that I would start with the parlor since there were already boxes there, ready to be moved out. I grabbed the packing supplies in the alcove and headed into the parlor. I propped the boxes up on the other boxes already in the room and checked my watch. It was already after two but I had several hours of good sunlight before I would need to switch on the lights in the room. I went to each window and opened the musty drapes. The room was flooded with light and I smiled as I looked around. It was a beautiful room and I noticed it really did not need much work. I moved to the already packed boxes and started going through them. A lot of what was in the boxes I left in them. I did pull out the breakable things I found and unwrapped them to look at them. I had decided that I would keep a lot of the things I had found. Who ever had lived here before me had great taste and I decided I would just need to update the house, new curtains and possibly a few new pieces of furniture. I was falling more and more in love with the house as I cleaned things up.

I am guessing I had lost track of the time because the next thing I knew my cell phone was going off in my pocket and when I looked at the time on it I saw that it was well after six and the sun was starting to go down. I answered the phone as I got up and started turning on the lights in the room.

"Hello?"

I heard laughter in the other end before I heard a familiar voice, "Bella, it's Jacob. I think I should be back in the morning."

I started dusting off the lamps as I turned them on and sneezed into the phone, "Sorry Jacob. So you will be here in the morning? Great, I really think you need to come see the house. I think I can do a lot with what is already here." He started talking about his father and the guys there. I knew he had missed his friends and as he rambled on I stood by the front window, looking out. By the time I had said good bye to Jacob the sun was down and decided to take another break, heading back to the library. On the way I called and ordered a pizza to be delivered to the house. I was hungry and knew that I was going to need food to keep going.

As I waited for the pizza to arrive I decided to read more in the journal.

_I hope that it doesn't take an eternity to find her. I already felt like the third wheel at times here. I would never move though. They are my family now, since they are all I really have now. I do wonder sometimes if I had not been dying when Carlisle found me what would have happened. Would I have gone on to be in the war like I had wanted, would I have found love? I think about all of this a lot. What could have been?_

_They say every person has a soul mate but one has to wonder if you can have a soul mate if you have no soul. Carlisle says you can but I wonder if that is true. He thinks we have souls but I am beginning to question that, how can we have souls? We are the darker side of things on this planet and I doubt God would want us if we did die. Though, dying is hard for us right now and Carlisle proved that time and time again. _

_I guess I will just have to wait and see what the future brings me. Hopefully I will find that one person who makes the days worth it, the nights not so long._

I sighed softly, thinking about what he had said. It was like I could have written what I had read. Maybe that was the problem; I didn't feel like Jacob was my light in the darkness. He was like a flashlight and the batteries were dying. I giggled at that thought and was about to read more when I heard the knock on the front door. My dinner had arrived. I paid the guy and tipped him when he flirted with me. It always felt nice when someone flirted with me. I headed back toward the kitchen with the pizza and thought what Edward had said in his journal. I wondered why he felt he had no soul, what had he done that was so bad that he could feel that way?

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**EPOV**

I had been back in Seattle for about a week when I decided that I would go back to the house that we had lived in when we had been here before. Of course Esme had found us a new house to live in this time, something to renovate and make beautiful. She really did have a gift for decorating. She and Alice had spent days and days buying things for the new house but I missed the old house. So I decided to go see what had happened to it. I had heard it had been sold finally, after all the years it had sat empty. Well not empty. We had left so quickly after the accident that we only took the things that had meant the most to us. We had been in a hurry. It wasn't like we couldn't get new things. We only took the things that had been special to us. Still, I wondered how much of that was left in the house.

There was a car in front of the house when I stopped in front of it, the owner must have been inside. I was sure they were going to have to move a lot out of the place before they could move in properly. I slipped in quietly, just to look around and see what was being done. The place had not changed of course, everything was still the same just covered in a really thick layer of dust. I heard the movement in the library and headed in there only to see one of the most beautiful faces I had ever seen sitting in the old desk reading something. It took me a minute to realize she was reading my old journal. So this is where I had left it. I watched as she tucked hair behind her ear as she read. Oddly enough I could not read her thoughts though. She was like a blank screen to me and that was perplexing. I frowned a bit and moved out of the house just as she was moving to get up.

As I stood outside the house, hidden from anyone who happened by, I realized that I had seen her before. Earlier that day, when it was still over cast I had seen her in that little café by the university. She had caught my attention then and now she was reading my journal, in my old house. My mind was reeling as I headed back to the house we now lived in. Alice was waiting for me when I entered, "You will see her again, I know it." For some reason that made me smile, the thought of seeing her again.

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	3. Yes or No

**Hopefully this is easier for you all to read. I have taken the suggestions I am getting on all my stories and reformatted them all. Unless I post otherwise things will be in Bella's point of view. Occasionally I will switch but I will let you know when I do. **

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**When I woke up Jacob was there, I could smell the bacon cooking in the kitchen. I sighed and stayed in bed. I was avoiding him. I knew that when I walked in there he would want to talk and I was not in the mood. I did love him, really. But I was beginning to think I was not in love with him. It was not the same for him; he was in love with me. I just hoped he would put off asking me to marry him.

I heard him coming down my short hall and grumbled about mornings. I knew I needed to get up and get ready anyway. I didn't have a class to help teach but I did need to get down to the school and grade the last of the essays I had sitting on my desk. I was climbing out of bed when he walked in. Without a word he came up to me, kissed my cheek and handed me a cup of coffee before turning to head back out. He knew me all too well. That scared a little too.

After my shower I threw on a tank top and jeans with my running shoes. I was not looking to impress, just be comfortable. I was braiding my hair when I heard Jacob yell that the food was ready. I sighed softly and headed into the kitchen.

"Good morning Jacob."

He kisses my cheek softly again and smiled, "Hello beautiful. Breakfast is ready and we need to talk."

I grimaced a little, hopefully he missed it. He sat down with me at the bar that divided the kitchen and dining room in the apartment. I ate in silence, worried about what he was going to say. I knew this was not going to end well for us. My mind started to wander to Edward Cullen, the author of the journal. I wondered what he would do in my situation.

"Bella, you know I love you. I would do anything for you, at any time. I just want you happy."

Jacob's voice broke me from my thoughts and I looked at him. I nodded a bit, taking a bite as he talked.

"Bella, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to make sure you are always happy and always loved."

I choked on my bacon as my eyes met his. He was going to do it over breakfast. Even this was not how I expected it to go. Though I should not have been surprised, he was not known for his romantic ideas.

"Will you marry me Bella?"

My eyes went from his face to the ring now sitting on the bar beside me. I choked down the piece of bacon I was eating and took a drink of coffee before I even tried to say anything. What was I going to say? I rubbed the bridge of my nose for a moment.

"Jacob, I do love you. Can you give me some time to think about this? This is just so sudden, and definitely not what I was expecting."

He smiled a little bit and nodded. If only he knew what was really going through my mind as he got up to refill my coffee. I couldn't even look at the ring now. It was a beautiful ring but the thought of what it entailed just made me queasy. I decided that I needed to get out of the apartment quickly so I finished off breakfast and jumped up before Jacob could sit back down.

"I will be at the university most of the day and then I need to go to the house and pack up some more of the stuff there. We can talk later?"

I saw him frown as I slipped on a jacket and grabbed my messenger bag. He was going to be even more unhappy if I decided to tell him no. I didn't know what I was going to do though. I just knew I had to get out of that apartment. I left him standing in the kitchen, the ring sitting on the bar. I almost wanted him to get angry and leave but I doubted he would. I had a feeling he would call me later, asking me to meet him for lunch or dinner. He would push the matter though and I hated that about him. He pushed matters until I was forced to make a decision. He didn't always like the choices I made either. You would think he would have learned to not push me.

I got to my office earlier then I had planned but that was fine by me. I had a few meetings with students that morning. I got through the meetings and got the papers graded before lunch. I smiled to myself as I packed up for the day. Since I was done I could get lunch and then head to the house. As I headed to my car my phone rang. I sighed when I saw who it was.

"Hello Jacob."

"Bella, I was thinking we should have lunch together. I can meet you anywhere you want."

I frowned and stopped by my car, throwing my bag up on the roof as I leaned against it, "Jacob, have to meet with some students so I really can't meet you for lunch. How about I call you later and we set up dinner or something?"

I could hear the disappointment in his voice as he agreed and I hung up. I threw my bag into the car but didn't get in. I grabbed the journal out of my bag before locking up the car. I walked to the café I loved near the university. Jacob had no idea about the place so I was not in danger of him finding me there.

After ordering a turkey sandwich and a iced coffee I sat at a table outside and opened the journal.

_March 22, 1932_

_We are moving again. Carlisle said we have lived here long enough and that it was time to move on again. We do that a lot, move. I can understand though. If we stay in a place too long it starts to cause some issues. I heard him say something to Esme about New York so we would not be moving that far. It wasn't like our last move, one coast to the other._

_I am beginning to think that this is a lonely life. I watch Esme and Carlisle and see that even when we love we still can't give our whole soul. How can you give something you don't have anymore? Carlisle and I argue about that though. He says we still have souls, but we just have to work extra hard to keep things in check. I don't agree with him though. We are evil and evil can't have souls._

I frowned as my sandwich was placed in front of me. I picked at it as I thought about what Edward had said. I wondered what made him so evil and why he felt like he had no soul. I was going to have to do some research I decided. I wanted to know who the Cullens had been and when they had lived in Seattle.

I was lost in my own thoughts as I ate. Something about Edward appealed to me but I couldn't figure out what. I was about to start reading again when it began to rain on me. I laughed as I gathered up my things and stood to leave. As I headed back toward the university I watched all the people running to get in out of the rain. I was almost to my car when I ran right into the guy from the other day. I blushed deeply as I apologized. When my eyes locked with his I got weak in the knees. I could have gotten lost in his eyes and almost did. It was disappointing when he said it was ok and kept on walking.

The rain got heavier as I headed to the house. By the time I had gotten inside it was pouring and I was glad. For some reason I welcomed the rain, yet another mystery to solve at a later time. I got busy in the house as I listened to the rain outside. By six that evening I had the parlor all packed up and had moved on to the dining room. I had decided that I would keep most of the furniture, just add my own in to give it a little updating. I was finishing up when my cell phone rang again. It was Jacob and I ignored it. Instead I grabbed the journal and headed into the library.

_I have not seen many like us but Carlisle says they are there. We all must hide in plain sight really well. I am sure their minds would tell me otherwise though. Though most are not like us, their diets tend to be on the more normal side were as we are vegetarians. That makes me laugh, vegetarians. Our diet is frowned on but it lets us stay in areas longer the most can. I hate moving so I am glad we can stick around longer._

_I think Esme likes the thought of a new house to redo. Her talent is evident and I am glad something can make her happy. When she is happy Carlisle is happy. I just wish I could be happy as well._

I bit my lip as I sat there. I knew exactly how he felt. I was not happy either. One of the biggest things was Jacob though. He was a great guy but not the one I wanted to marry. I sighed, closing the journal. I wondered what Edward would do in this situation. Would he marry the person he was with, even if it was not the person he knew he was supposed to be with? I doubted he would. I bet he would only marry the one person he was supposed to be with, his one true love. Jacob was not my one true love. He was my best friend and soon I was going to break his heart.

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	4. A Party

**Sorry this took so long. I am getting over a case of writers block that is especially nasty this time. Thank you for the great response to this story. I love all the reviews and alerts and the favorites too! I am a happy, fuzzy, squishy person!**

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"Finally, the house is done. I need to have a party, what do you think Jessica?"

I was finally done clean up the house and getting everything all move over from the apartment. It took me about two weeks of working every night and all day on the weekends. It was a great way to avoid Jacob though, and his damn questions. I knew he was going to push the marriage thing and I was not in the mood to deal with all that so I told him I needed to focus on the house. Now that is was done and I was living in it I knew I was going to have to deal with the ring, with Jacob and everything else.

"Yes, let's throw a party. I can call the girls and see what they can throw together for you."

Jessica broke me from my thoughts and I looked at her, smiling. A party was just what I needed. I could have everyone over for dinner and then have some fun. I thought about that as she started making phone calls. She would probably let Lauren and Angela plan things, they were good at that. I wandered away from her, heading out of the parlor and into the library. With all the work I had been doing I had not had time to read Edward's journal and I think I was going through withdraw. I heard Jessica talking excited in the parlor and I just laughed. I figured I had some free time so I grabbed the journal and curled up in the chair I had placed by the fireplace in the library. I had the desk moved into a room upstairs and had turned the library is a very comfortable sitting room. It was fast becoming my favorite room.

_April 1, 1932_

_Well the move is done. We are settled into a very nice home, probably far too big for the three of us but I am not complaining. I have a real music room now and my own room as well. Esme is very excited about the house and is actually away buy things for the house in Albany and then she is going to New York City. I think she likes to get lost in her projects._

_There are days when I actually feel the tug of loneliness. It is never a strong tug but it is there, like perhaps something is missing. It doesn't last long but it is there, like an afterthought or a dream you can't quite remember. I don't personally think that I am missing anything but you never know do you?_

I jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned my eyes toward Jessica. She was still on the phone but I could tell she was trying to find a way to get off. I rolled my eyes, that usually meant it was Mike on the other end. Mike Newton was a troll and I had told her exactly there many times. It didn't matter though, she was still with him. I frowned and thought about how I could help her.

"Yes Mike, Bella is right here."

I glared at her; I was not in the mood to talk to him. I waved my hand at her, motioning that I was not going to talk to him. She grinned and walked away from me.

"Bella is busy right now. How about I call you later? Dinner tomorrow is great."

I heard her tell him she loved him and I almost gagged. We can't pick the people we fall in love with, and she was in love with him. I slid the journal down between my hip and the chair. I didn't want to deal with the questions Jessica would have. And honestly, I didn't want to share Edward with her. He was a private part of my life.

I sighed and looked at Jessica as she approached, "Why does Mike always want to talk to me?"

She shrugged a bit and sat down across from me. She ran a hand through her hair and looked into the fire as she spoke to me, "I think he is cheating on me. I can't be sure but it just feels like I am the only one in love."

I frowned and leaned forward to look at her. She was beautiful, and anyone would be lucky to have her in their life. I hated to think that Mike was cheating on her. I was going to have to make a few phone calls. If he was cheating on her, I would know about it. I hated men like that and didn't want anything to happen to Jessica. I was lost in that thought when my cell phone rang. I frowned when I saw who it was.

"Hello Jacob."

Jessica perked a brow at me as I listened to Jacob go on and on about how much he missed me. He had gone to La Push for the week and called constantly. I signed softly and leaned back in the chair I was in. I closed my eyes as yet again he brought up the whole proposal thing and ring. I was getting tired of the pressure from him. It had not been that long ago that he had asked me, but he was acting like he had asked months ago. I rubbed the bridge of my nose and held the phone down in my lap. I heard Jessica laugh softly and I glared at her.

"Look Jacob, Jessica is here and we are planning a party for the new house. Can we talk about this later?"

I swear he growled on the phone and hung up on me. I sat there, staring at the phone. I had no idea how to respond to him hanging up on me. I looked up as Jessica stood up, and I think I heard something about calling me later. Jacob had never treated me like that and it was shocking. I sat there for a while, thinking about Jacob and the situation. I was going to have to just tell him that I was not ready to marry him. I loved him, but I just didn't feel that marriage was where we were headed.

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((a few days later))

The party came together quickly and without any problems. Jessica had called all the friends we had that were still in the area. It was great to have them all in the house, even if I was worried about things with Jacob. I had tried to call him several times but he was not taking my calls. His father said something about him being sick, but I was sure it was just him avoiding me. I think he knew what I was going to say to him and he didn't want to hear it. Thankfully the night was over quickly and the house was empty well before midnight. I cleaned up a bit and then wandered into the library. I had hidden the journal, to be on the safe side. I curled up in front of the fire still going in the fireplace in the library and opened it to where I had been the day we had set up the party.

_I think the loneliness hits the hardest when I am alone in my room. I can hear Esme and Carlisle together. You can see that they love each other but you can see that it is different with them. You can look at them and know that it's more. They are truly supposed to be together. That feeling is one that I have yet to feel. It seems all consuming at times and I don't know if I would want that. I like being in control of my senses and my emotions. Still, I think I would like to know what it feels like to be truly in love. Everyone needs to feel that once, right?_

I sighed softly and closed the journal. I was longing for someone like Edward. I could completely understand how he was feeling. It also helped me realize that I was never going to be ready to marry Jacob. I was not meant to be with him, though he would say otherwise. I could see myself with someone like Edward though. He and I seemed to be on the same wave length. It was too bad he was living in 1932, and I was not.

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**EPOV**

She was everywhere and it was getting to me. She had been there in the rain, running into me. With Seattle being a rather large city you would think that I would be able to avoid her. No, that was not possible apparently. What made it worse was I could smell her when she was not there, and it was driving me crazy. Her smell was enough to make me want to leave the area. She was calling to me. The family said to wait it out though, that I was only seeing her because I was trying too hard to avoid her. I had not told them I followed her home. I doubt they would have liked that did that, but I just wanted to see her. It didn't help me any that she was reading my journal. How had she gotten it?

I had gone by her house again, to see her. Apparently she had thrown a party and I had arrived just as the house was emptying out. I heard the random conversations as the people all went to their cars. I saw her on the porch, saying good bye to them all, and I had to control myself. I wanted to just walk right up to her, be close to her. I growled softly at myself and stayed in the shadows. A few of the thoughts of the people leaving her house bothered me, but I was tuning them out. I was focused on her and almost didn't hear my cell phone.

"Hello Alice."

I frowned as looked back at the porch and saw she was gone. I sighed softly as Alice kept telling me not to do it. She had seen me outside the house. The joys of having a sister who could see the future, she always knew what you were going to be doing. She could ruin any kind of fun and did a lot of the time.

"Alice, I am not going to do anything. I just want to look in and see what she has done with the place. So get off my back. Go bug Emmett or something. I heard him thinking about getting into your closet."

I hung up on her and stood outside one of her windows, looking into the house. I could see her cleaning up the house. From what I could see she had kept a lot of what Esme has done to the house when we had been there but had added her own flare. It wasn't long before she moved to the library and switched windows. I saw my journal in her hands and smiled. For some reason I liked her knowing that part of me. I left then, I was not about to be call by Alice while I was spying in windows.

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	5. Meeting Edward

_**Sorry this took so long guys. Writers block and a sick computer can take it's toll on things. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for all the reviews and alerts. It means a lot to me!**_

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**_I was sitting on my steps, waiting for Jacob to arrive. I had finally gotten him to talk to me and he was driving back to Seattle. I sighed and rested my head in my hands. This was not going to be easy, but he needed to know I was not going to marry him. I closed my eyes and let my mind run through everything. Jacob was one of my best friends that would never change. I just couldn't marry him. I thought about Edward. Now if it had been him asking me I doubt I would have hesitated. I mentally kicked myself for that, Edward was not here. His journal was all I had of him.

I heard a car pull up in front of the house, and I looked up. It wasn't Jacob though; it was that guy I had run into over and over again. I blinked and stood up, what was he doing here? I stepped down off the steps and moved toward him.

"Is there something I can help you with?"

He gave me a half smile that was killer. How can someone's smile make your knees weak? He ran a hand through his hair and just as he opened his mouth to speak Jacob pulled up. I grumbled softly about timing and turned to Jacob as he climbed out of his car. I had to blink as I looked at him; something was not right. He just looked so different.

"Um, Jacob…" my voice trailed off as he approached.

His eyes were not on me though; they were on the man in front of me. I could have sworn I heard a growl coming from him but I might have been wrong. I looked back at the gorgeous man and studying him. His topaz eyes were on Jacob and didn't look very friendly. I sighed softly and that seemed to break the stare between them. I had two sets of eyes on me at that point.

"Jacob, go inside. This gentleman just pulled up, and I need to handle this. It won't take a minute or two. I promise."

He glared at the man again and walked up to me, kissed my cheek and headed into the house. I closed my eyes briefly and rubbed the bridge of my nose. Life was never easy, was it? I looked back at the stranger and studied his face.

"Alright, I will ask again. Can I help you with something?"

That seemed to break him from his glaring stare in the direction Jacob had gone. His eyes were back on me in seconds, and he was giving me that half smile again.

"Well, my family use to live in this house. Well, my grandparents. I was kind of hoping you would let me look around. Oh, I am Edward."

Edward, that name made me smile involuntarily. I took his hand when he held it out to me. It was cool and smooth as I shook it. I looked back at the house; Jacob was standing in the door way, glaring. I made a face at him and turned back to the man in front of me, Edward.

"Sure, you are more than welcome to look around but not today. I have some personal business to handle. Can you come back tomorrow? You can spend as much time as you want looking around then."

He nodded and yet again flashed that half smile. He shook my hand again, kissing the back of my hand briefly before promising to be back the following day to look around the house. I smiled and waved as he pulled away. I closed my eyes and gather my strength before turning and heading toward the house. Jacob was still standing in the doorway when I climbed the front steps.

"Go inside Jacob. We need to talk," he tried to reach for me as I approach him, but I held up a hand for him to stop. "Inside, now!"

He frowned and headed in the library. I really didn't want to do it in there but I followed. He sat down in one of the chairs by the fire place and watched me move to sit across from him. I leaned forward, my arms resting on my legs as I looked at him.

"Jacob, you know that I love you. You are one of my best friends. You have been such a wonderful person to me. But…" my voice trailed off as I looked into the dark fireplace.

I think he knew what I was going to say; his face was dark, sullen. From the corner of my eye I saw all his emotions right there on his face. I was breaking him, but I didn't want to drag it out anymore. I sighed and closed my eyes briefly before looking back at him.

"I just can't marry you Jacob. I do love you, but I am not in love with you. It would not be fair to marry you. You deserve someone who is in love with you, devoted to you."

I frowned as his face fell. I waited for him to say something, anything. That didn't happen though. Instead he sat there, shaking for a moment before he stood up abruptly and stormed out of the house. I was left there, tears starting to stream down my face as I stared after him.

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I had not slept well; my thoughts had drifted to Jacob and his reaction to what I said. When the sun peeked through the blinds on the windows in my room and climbed out of bed and made my way to the kitchen downstairs. I needed coffee. The clock on the coffee maker said it was after seven. I wondered when Edward would be back to look at the house. While the coffee brewed I went and grabbed the journal from the library. I felt like I was behind in reading it. I took it back to the kitchen with me, flipping through the pages. The coffee was finished brewing as I sat down at the little table I had set up in there for me. I filled a mug and sat down, running my fingers over the pagers.

_May 12, 1932_

_The Lindbergh baby was found. They say it was dead. Carlisle and I have this feeling that we know what really happened but of course that will stay between us. It would upset Esme, and I was not looking to upset her. _

_Carlisle has it in mind to try and find me a mate again. I keep telling him that when the time is right I will have one. I will know when I see her. I believe she will call to me, no matter where I am. No one has called to me like that yet. I am patient and time will bring her to me. Carlisle thinks he knows what to look for though and says he will keep his eyes open._

_I am growing restless in the house that Esme is working on. It is a never ending project for her. She decided to redo my music room and the piano has been moved out. I have been itching to play and it is not around for me too. She promises me that it will be back within the week. I hope so, I need it._

I read more, mostly about the renovations Esme was doing to the house they were living in. I lost track of time while I was reading. The door bell broke me from my reading, and I looked at the clock. It was well after nine. I grumbled and closed the journal and slid it into a drawer in the kitchen. I heard the door bell again and hurried to the front door. Of course, it did not occur to me I was still in my pajamas until I opened the door to Edward. He looked great and I suddenly realized I was not dressed for company.

"Hello! Come on in, I need to run up and get dressed. I was in the kitchen, drinking coffee. You can help yourself."

I heard him laugh softly as I ran up the stairs to my room. I threw on the first things I could find, jeans and a tank top. I ran a brush through my hair and ran back down stairs. I found Edward in the library, his fingers running over the books there. He turned to me as I stepped close, his topaz eyes catching mine.

"These books where here when they lived here or at least they look old enough to have been here. Some of these are first editions."

I nodded as I stepped past him, reaching for a book off the shelf, "I know. That is why I kept them. I actually kept almost everything in the house. I just moved around a lot of the furniture. My realtor said most of it had been here since the 1930's."

He took the book from me that I had been reaching for and smiled as he read the title, "Wuthering Heights. A favorite of yours?"

I blushed a bit, biting my lip as I nodded, "Yes, it always has been. When I saw that copy of it in the library I knew I had made the right choice with the house."

I didn't want to admit it was the journal that made me think my choice was right. I took the book from him and slipped it back onto the shelf. I moved past him and made my way to the kitchen.

I called back to him, "Take all the time you need to look around. I need to make myself some breakfast. Do you want anything?"

I heard him mumble no as started pulling out the things to make pancakes for myself. I was oddly attracted to Edward, being in the room with him made me want to be as close as possible. I couldn't figure out why I was drawn to him. It was like I was drawn to the Edward in the journal. I wondered if they were related. I didn't want to ask though; he might take the journal away from me. I couldn't handle if it was taken from me.

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_**So they meet....Please let me know what you think, reviews make me all warm and fuzzy!!**_


	6. Dinner

_**There have been several questions that I need to cover for you all. Anything in italics is the journal and from 1932, the year before Rosalie is turned. I will be getting to her turning in the journal as I get to that date. Anything in EPOV that is not italics is in current time. This means that when Edward talks about Seattle it is present time. Please, please keep this in mind!! And yes, to us who know the story, the journal entries are very obvious but Bella is just a human who doesn't know vampires exist so she is looking for anything out of the ordinary. He seems to think poorly of himself in many ways, he never comes out and directly says I am a vampire in the journal.**_

_**I love all you wonderful people! Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favorites. It means a lot to me!!**_

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The house was empty by lunch time. I let Edward roam through my house for most of the morning. I know that I should have been more careful, but I just felt like I could trust him. As he roamed I stayed close, keeping busy in areas near to where he was. He talked about his family as he looked over the rooms. My mother would have killed me if she had known I had some strange man in the house. That was why I was not going to tell anyone. I was not in the mood to deal with the grief I was going to get for letting him into the house.

As soon as he was gone I retrieved the journal from the kitchen and went to the library. As he was leaving, Edward said something about maybe having dinner or something some time with him. I agreed to it, but he never set a time. I gave him my number so hopefully he would call. I forgot all about that though when I started reading the journal again. Yes, I was in love with a guy in the past. It was not something that could have been stopped. His writing made me feel like he was perfect for me. Sadly I knew I would never have him, unless someone created a time machine. I would have to get to work on that one.

_June 1, 1932_

_When you never sleep you learn a lot about the world. I have been taking the time to learn many different things. Reading helps pass the time and there are so many different things to read. We always have a well stocked library. I have been working my way through it again, adding new books as I see them in store windows. Today I picked up a very nice copy of Wuthering Heights for our collection. It is not my favorite, but it was a first edition. Someday they will all be worth something. Like that matters though._

_There are times when I think that I am different than the others, like I should not have been saved by Carlisle. I know he does not regret it but at the same time I am not exactly like them. If they heard what I did it would be easier. But that is not the case and I highly doubt things will ever change. I feel like the odd man out a lot of the time. I wonder if it will always just be the three of us._

I closed the journal and sighed. He felt like he was different then everyone else. I could relate to that on so many levels. I was longing for someone who understood me and had I been born in the time that Edward was writing I bet we would have been perfect together. I rubbed the bridge of my nose and went to open the journal again when I heard a knock on the front door. I wondered who was knocking, it was lunch time and everyone I knew would have called first.

Opening the door, I was shocked to see Jacob standing there. His back had been to the door and he turned around quickly when the door opened. He looked horrible as he stepped closer. I didn't know what to say so I motioned for him to come inside. He brushed past me; the heat coming off him was a shock. He moved into the parlor and sat down. I followed behind him, curious about why he was here.

"Bella. What happened with us?"

I moved to sit beside him, frowning. I knew this was going to happen. I sighed and leaned back.

"Jacob, I love you. I really do but this was never going to go to the next level with us. I realized that once you asked I was not going to be able to marry you. I just don't feel the right connection with you. You are my best friend, and always will be."

I saw a tear roll down his face, and I wanted to reach for him but right now that was not safe. I wanted to make sure I did not give off the wrong idea. He was my best friend; that was not a lie. I just could never see myself married to him. My mind wandered to Edward, the journal writer. I could see myself marrying him. I was pathetic.

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Jacob stayed for a few hours, and we talked. By the time he left, I think things were better with us. He understood that I did care for him but not in the way he cared for me. It was hard to see him in pain, but the pain would have been worse if I had drawn it out. After he left I went to make dinner. Just as I was getting the things out to make a salad I heard my phone ring. I figured it was Jessica so I grabbed it and started cutting up vegetables.

"Hello?"

The voice on the other end startled me, "Hello Bella."

I stopped cutting and leaned against the counter, smiling, "Hello Edward."

There was a silence that you probably could have cut with a knife before he spoke again, "I know this is a little short notice, but I was thinking about dinner."

I looked down at the vegetables I had been cutting and frowned. I hated wasting food, but I could not pass up the offer. I started cleaning up the vegetables, letting the silence hang for a moment between us again.

"Well I had already started making something to eat, but I think I can be persuaded to change my mind."

He laughed on the other end and said he would be by in about a hour or so. After flipping my phone shut I hurried up stairs to change. I think I went through all my clothes in a matter of minutes until I finally settled on a blue sweater and a khaki skirt. I slipped on a pair of heeled sandals and went back to cleaning up the kitchen. I hear a knock on the door as I finished up.

I grabbed my cell phone and jacket before answering the door. There in the twilight stood one of the most amazing looking men I had ever seen. I smiled at him warmly and slipped my jacket on. The half smile he gave me was enough to make me glad I had said yes. I slipped past him and down the front steps, heading for his car. He was close behind me and reached for the car door when I did. I guess chivalry was not entirely dead.

"Thank you, Edward. So where are we going?"

He just gave me that half smile as I climbed into the car. He was around to the driver's side and in the car before I could even blink. I smiled at him as he started the car.

"I was thinking we should go to this small bistro I know. Well, to be honest, I have already eaten but I wanted to see you again. So I am buying you dinner."

I looked at him, "You wanted to see me again?"

He just nodded at me. I tried to not grin as I looked out the front window of the car. He drove fast, far too fast for my taste, but I was not driving. It wasn't long before we were sitting at a table at the bistro I loved near the college. He sat across from me, watching me as I ate the breadsticks they had placed in front of me. We talked about everything, my job, his family. For some reason I even told him about Jacob. He seemed to understand how I felt about not being able to marry someone I did not feel connected with. He seemed really interested in me.

I hated when the night was over. When we pulled up in front of my house I almost asked him to keep going. He even walked me to my door, making sure I got inside before he left. There was no kiss, just a half smile and a promise of a call the next day. I watched him pull away and smiled. It was nice to be able to talk to someone about what I was feeling. It just felt right to talk to him about it all.

I grabbed the journal from the library and headed up to bed. I got ready for bed slowly, letting my mind wander over the entire night. I smiled as I climbed into bed. My hand went to the journal but I decided to not open it. I just let my eyes close as I thought about that half smile.

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	7. The Truth

**EPOV**

I drove around after dropping Bella off. A couple hours later I was outside her house. Alice has said something about her being a target in a vision when I called to check in. That meant I would need to watch over her. It helped that I felt drawn to her. The way she smelled was so intoxicating, I could barely control myself when I was with her. Her smell was even strong outside of the house. As I watched through her windows and walked the perimeter I could smell her.

I wondered if she was in bed, reading my journal. I was actually surprised that her reading my private thoughts was not upsetting me. I actually liked it. It was affecting her too. The way she talked through dinner showed me that what I was saying was getting to her. It wasn't much but we were connecting. Sooner or later though, she was going to figure out things, and then I would have to explain things to her.

I was outside the library window when my phone rang. The caller id said Alice and grumbled a little bit as I answered.

"What do you want Alice?"

I heard her sigh, "I hate to say this, but you need to get inside. Someone is coming to pay Bella a visit, and they are dangerous."

"What do you mean, dangerous?"

"Edward, he is a tracker. For some reason he has picked her. My visions are showing him in a class with her so maybe he knows her from the school she works at. I don't know, but he wants her."

I sighed and hung up. How would I explain my showing up so late?

**BPOV**

I had drifted off thinking about Edward. In my dreams he was the one writing the journal. It was 1932, and we were in love. He was just about to kiss me when I was woken up by a very loud knocking at my front door. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. I wanted to kiss Edward, but the knocking was persistent. I moaned softly and rolled out of bed. I threw on my robe and made my way to the door. Who I found on the other side made me think I was still dreaming.

"Um…Edward, what are you doing here?"

He gave me that half smile and I almost melted right there in the doorway. I mentally kicked myself.

"Well, I am not really sure what I am doing here but here I am. They say honesty is the best policy so let me in. We need to talk."

His face was serious as I let him into the house. He paced in the entry hall before heading into the library. I followed him after shutting and locking my front door. He was standing by the cold fireplace when I walked in.

"Ok, talk to me Edward. Are you married? Gay? Give me something here, because I really enjoyed myself with you tonight and that usually means I get screwed in the end."

He laughed but it sounded bitter. He turned to me and his amber eyes looked so full of emotion but I couldn't decide which emotion was the dominate one. He sat down in one of the chairs by the fireplace, and I moved to start a fire. He was quiet while I worked. It was only after I sat down in the chair across from him that he sighed and looked at me.

"You know my family use to live in this house. Esme enjoyed remodeling it and making it her own. Remodeling houses has always been something she enjoys."

I perked a brow, "She still enjoys doing it? The agent said the owner was dead when I bought it. Your grandmother is still alive."

He gave me a small smile, "Well, technically I am older then her, but I call her mom."

I was lost at that point. He was confusing me and scaring me all at the same time. Was he really insane? How could I have missed that?

"Bella, you already knew me before you went to dinner with me tonight. You have known me since you moved in here."

"I..I don't understand, Edward. What do you mean I already knew you?"

For some reason I was not putting two and two together. I pulled my legs up into the chair I was sitting in and tried to hug them close. Of course, I would move on from Jacob to a psycho.

"Where is the journal Bella?"

My eyes grew as big as saucers, "How did you know I had it?"

"Bella, please figure this out. My name is Edward; the journal belongs to an Edward."

Yes, it was becoming four in my head. I had to stand up and move around. This was getting to be too much for me. I couldn't even look at him as I walked around the library. How could the Edward from the journal, from my dreams, be the man sitting in my library?

"I don't understand. How can you be that Edward? That was written in 1932."

He nodded at me, "Yes, it was. I was born in 1918, Bella."

I shook my head, "No, that is not possible. You don't look a day over 20."

He laughed again but this time it didn't sound so bitter, "Well thank you but I am working toward a century. When Carlisle and I met I was 17."

"No, you are not telling the truth. Why are you saying this?"

I was not handling this well that was for sure. I kept pacing back and forth in the library. Was Edward saying he was immortal? Was he a, no he couldn't be? They weren't real.

"Bella, there is a man on his way here to hurt you. My sister called me to let me know and here I am. Please, you have to believe me. I would never have come in here and told you any of this if your life was not in danger, you have to believe me."

I think I passed out at that point, because the next thing I remember is lying on the couch in my parlor. Edward looked concerned as he looked down at me. Behind him I saw a petite woman. Her hair was brown and spiky. Her eyes were like Edward's though. She smiled at me and stepped toward me.

"I am Alice. Edward called me when you passed out. It's a lot to take in, but he is telling you the truth."

I just stared at her. I just didn't know what to say. I had a house full of vampires, didn't I? How do you respond to that?

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_**Short, sorry. I just needed to get this out. I want to get to the vampire coming to hurt her but I needed to get her in on the vampire thing. I also promise the next will have another journal entry. I have to make Bella really believe, hehe.  
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	8. One Kiss

**BPOV**

How are you supposed to act when you have vampires in your house? I could have used some help at that point. I had no idea how to act with them there. I tried to offer them something to eat but stopped myself, because the only thing in the house they could eat was me. That didn't make me feel any better. I think they both sensed my uneasiness and tried to keep their distance. I was sitting on the couch in the parlor, my knees pulled into tight to my chest. Edward was on the couch with me but had left some distance between us. Alice was leaning against the wall while she watched out the window.

"So, um, are you two the only ones?"

I kept shifting my eyes from one to the other as I spoke. I had no idea how to act, and it was going to get worse before it got better.

"No, Alice and I are part of a small family. There are thousands out there. Really we have no idea how many vampires there are out there. There aren't many like us though. We don't drink human blood. When I said I was born in 1918, I was talking about when I joined Carlisle's family. That was the year I was turned."

I think I visibly relaxed when he said that they didn't drink human blood. It was nice to know I was not on the menu with them in my house. I was getting tired, but I didn't want to sleep with them in the house. I tried to keep myself thinking so I wouldn't drift off. When I looked at Edward I saw a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. I was still having a hard time with dealing with the age thing. He looked amazing yet he was so old. If the beauty industry heard about this, models would all want to be vampires. I giggled a little at that thought. My lack of sleep was getting to me.

"Bella, go get some sleep. Alice and I will stay down here. You are tired, and we don't sleep."

I perked a brow, "You don't sleep?"

They both shook their heads.

"Wow, well you learn something new every day."

I stood up and stretched. He was right about me needing to sleep. They both watched me as I walked out of the parlor. I stopped at the stairs and turned to look at them both.

"I know I am safe from you, but you said I was in danger. Who is after me?"

Edward frowned as Alice spoke, "Well all I know is that he is a tracker. I saw a classroom but I am not sure if that where you meet or where he catches you. So for now the family will be acting as your body guards."

I had so many questions for them, but my yawning told me I needed to get upstairs. I just gave her a small nod and headed upstairs. I wasn't really sure if I would sleep, but I needed to hide in the blankets on my bed. As I climbed into bed I remembered the journal. I searched the bed for it and found it under a fold of my blanket. If it had been Edward's journal I was hoping I would find something in it to show me that he was not lying to me. I scanned page after page but found nothing. It was more about being lonely and getting use to it. I could relate, but that wasn't what I was looking for. An entry dated some time in 1933 caught my attention

**((A/N: There is no exact date for Rosalie's turning just that it was in 1933, so I am taking a few liberties with a pick a date.))**

_May 15, 1933_

_Carlisle found some girl in the road here, badly beaten. Of course he is hopeful that after the turning is done she and I will be like he and Esme. We of course argued when he brought her home. Our secrets are meant to be just that, secrets. Adding someone new to the mix makes things harder. I can understand what he is thinking though. He wants to save her life. But is this really a life to give someone? The constant thirst and losing your soul, how is that really a life?_

I stopped reading and let it all sink in. Edward really did think he was cursed. It was sad how he viewed himself. The entries I had read made me think he was a very passionate, feeling person. I never would have thought he had no soul. I actually thought that his soul was still very much a part of him. He was just torturing himself. I read more.

_May16, 1933_

_Rosalie woke up today. She was of course upset about everything that had happened until she saw herself. I never knew anyone to be that much into the way they looked. I guess there is a first time for everything. Her mind is filled with how happy she is with how she looks now, but on the edges I see things from the past. Her anger over how her fiancé treated her, the sadness she felt as she watched her friend with the baby and loving husband. I had to try to block her out. I feel so bad for her, and yet I can't forget that the hint of revenge is there too._

_I can't really blame her though. I don't think I could live with what happened to her. Being betrayed by someone you thought you could trust is painful._

Movement at my bed room door pulled my attention away from the journal. Edward was standing there, watching me read. I tilted my head at him as I took in his features. I wondered what was going through is mind, and I wondered what he had looked like before the change. He moved away from the door and approached my bed slowly, sitting on the foot of it.

"I knew you would come up here and read more. I can't imagine being in your shoes. We all found out about this world after we were thrust into it. You are the only human that I know of that knows about us."

I bit my lip as he spoke. I was resisting the urge to kiss him. He was the Edward in the journal, my Edward. I had fallen for him just by reading his personal thoughts and now he was in front of me. He was real, and I didn't know how to act.

"I am sorry you had to find out this way. I never thought I would be at your house in the middle of the night telling you I was a vampire. I knew sooner or later you would learn about it; it's all in the journal. I am sure you haven't found it yet, but I promise it is there."

I put the journal on my nightstand as he spoke. He looked at it briefly before he looked back at me. His liquid topaz eyes drawing me in as I moved closer to him, I couldn't deny the pull. When I was right next to him I took his face in my hands, my eyes searching his.

"I am only sorry that the reason you are here is to protect me Edward. I am not sorry that you are in my house."

When I pulled his face to mine, our lips met softly. His lips were cold against mine. The kiss was a sweet, soft kiss. He pulled back from me and stood up.

"We can't do this Bella. You don't know me. I am not safe to be around."

I couldn't stop him when he left my room. I couldn't believe I had kissed him. That was so unlike me. I laughed softly at myself and crawled back under the blankets on my bed. I drifted off thinking about Edward's cool lips.

**EPOV**

I stood in the hall and waited for her to drift off. When her breathing slowed and I heard a soft snore coming from her I went back into her room. She had kissed me. I don't know where it had come from, but she had been too close. It was hard enough to control myself in the house with her. Having her that close made my iron will power waver. I wanted to kiss her back, pull her in close and do the things I knew she wanted me to do. I couldn't though.

I watched her sleep for a while before going back down stairs. Alice was on the phone with Jasper when I returned to the parlor. She hung up as I sat down.

"He is close. Jasper has been following his scent. He was outside the house earlier. So, was the kiss a good one?"

I glared at her. She had seen it happen and had told me nothing. Her mind was full of the tracker and the things Jasper had told her. She was blocking me from seeing anything that involved Bella and me.

"Now how is that fair Alice? You are keeping me from seeing anything about Bella and me."

She just grinned at me briefly before returning to her post by the window. I just sat there, letting my mind go through everything that had happened. I had enjoyed the date with Bella, and the kiss had been great. It was just not safe to let her get too close. I could barely control myself with her. If she and I kissed again I couldn't promise anything.

"You won't bite her Edward. She may be intoxicating to you, but there is something else there. You have real feelings for her. And I can tell you, she has them for you too."

Alice never looked away from the window as she spoke. I wondered if she was right. She giggled.

"Just ask it Edward."

I glared at her again, "Do I do it? Do I change her?"

Her eyes locked with mine, "It's the only way to save her in the end. Unless you can divert what is coming, she will be a member of the family soon enough."

The look on her face told me it was true. I hated that I would have to condemn her to this life, but if it kept Bella safe then I understood why it had to happen.

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_**Reviews = LOVE 3**_


	9. Brief Author's Note

I hate to do this, but I want you all to know that I will be out of town for a while. I am leaving for three weeks and will not be updating while I am gone. I do have chapters in the works for the three stories that have gone without updates for a while. _**Losing Control, Reading His Thoughts **_and _**An Agent's Weakness**_ will all have updates when I return. I have updated my other two stories with new chapters this weekend.

I promise to have new chapters when I return. I will replace this note with the next chapter on each story upon my return.

I love you all, my loyal readers!


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